This is an excerpt from what I wrote my best friend (no need to write a whole new blog entry).
On August 15th i woke up and felt meh...I couldnt place why but knew thats how i felt..an hour later i could describe this meh as sadness (usually i feel this when someone close to me is feelings and and i find out later I just tapped into their emotions but this time it felt different and i couldnt find out why). I know this sounds crazy but i was laying on our mattress and the pattern resembled a bee laughing at me. a bee laughing ..strange. so hubby came in and was like whats wrong. he said lay with me let's find the root of why i was feeling the way I do. i told him about the sadness and the bee and that i could see myself in the air in the balloon looking down at my life and it feeling like it wasnt mine and he asked me to continue but i couldnt i had no more to add so i got up because it was time to leave for my session. It was an awful awful downpour..by the time i got to the station i was soaked from shoulders to toe..i thought great, this is a great time for a session. so it died down to a drizzle by the time i got to the city but my umbrella had flipped up which better now than earlier) so I saw DM and she greeting me with such a warm loving hug and asked how i was. i said my week was good but today i felt meh..i mentioned everything except for the bee..i didnt want to sound crazy. oh and i forgot i got up saturday and that day at 4:40 on the dot (and i never get up that early and couldnt go back to sleep on saturday but sunday hours later i did). so dm said maybe the 4:40 is Scripture base so she went to Isiah (i dont remember what scripture) and said does anything resonate with me ..i read and said no but then i got to isiah 40:31 "Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary." And i said omg! I just drew that after my session and i showed her my drawing. I told her lately i have had a thing with eagles and i was talking to my best friend and the vision that eagles had. She talked about eagles being prophetic. i asked why she went to Isiah and she said these are Isiah times...if you notice most churches are reading out of that book. I hadnt really notice and i was still meh so i was like i take your word for it. She said didnt you tell me God wanted you to enlarge your vision in the beginning of the year and i said yes and then you are thinking of eagles and this Scripture about mounting up..God is strengthening for his intended purpose. he's reminding you that you will gain new strength. And we prayed and she asked me describe this meh feeling ..even draw it and it was a sun that was covered up by black and browns (buried even). she said this to me shows your light is being covered. by what is the question? You talked about witnessing your life in a balloon..are you unhappy and i said no. she said do you think threes anything that is keeping you from being all God has called you to be. I immediately said my inadequacy i never feel like im good enough and thats theres always someone better and my hubby said thats crap and i need to start seeing that it doesnt matter if theres someone else better. there's only one you and you are the best brand there is. DM said good hubby who seems to be in tuned to you and i said yeah very much. next thing i knew we talked about where the inadequacy stemmed from and i was like my dad and i was in tears and i had to draw it out,...the ugliness i felt and who i was now. pray for my dad cause i know he didnt know what he was doing and even though i felt healed of all that he did i was still carrying that inadequacy to some degree and until i let that go i wouldnt be able to have that true freedom i want. DM prayed and i felt better like that..like 70%. Then she said something that left me like what...she said "I feel it to be a true honor to teach you Stephanie you and your husband will do great things in the creative world and im glad that i am the one chosen to help you uncover your true self. She said i have been thinking of you all week and i was going to send you something but didnt but it seems to talk to the exact place you are.it had me in tears. She also said i want to offer you something and i wast you to pray on it. i think it would be beneficial for you to come more than once every two weeks..i see that God is talking to you through your art and i think it should be explored more often. she said im willing to offer you a reduced price of 2 hours per week of $60 less than what the studio charges at my home. i had a look of thats great but i cant afford it. she said no matter of fact i want you to pay me that you can. if you can some weeks great if you cant thats fine too. its not about money its about cultivating all those things that God is doing and showing you in the woman he created you to be pray on and let me know (i was in tears). Because that morning i said i wish i could do more sessions but i cant afford it except every pay day but i should be cutting back cause this time was to allow me to pay a bill down. But look what the Lord has done. sovereign surprises i think. so i went back and forth on her offer cause i was like thats not right for her. why would she do this. but days later God gave me peace and just said sovereign surprises..its a blessing take it so I did and told her we could start after her conference which i think is the 2nd or 3rd week in September.
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