kym has texted to check on me which is really sweet but unnecessary i am the same..the exact same. i know i can shake myself out of this but i dont know if i want to. why am i not in a celebratory mood instead of feeling defeated.
i need to get a grip. afterall if j can be joyous after losing a parent and looking forward to a new year wth is wrong with me. i have no excuse.
okay im gonna to take a shower, clean up my living/dining room, put on some make up and a dress and pull myself together a new year is a time of new possibilities and to correct some things that should have been corrected..heck a new day is a start over. Gods mercy and grace is renewing. eventhough i dont feel like doing this i need to do this. J mentioned something to me last night while we were talking and i made a comment of oh no i dont get up that early to do anything..he said why dont you....why don’t you do all the things that you are uncomfortable doing and see how my life has changed in a year. hmmm not a bad idea. a bit scary but not a bad idea. im going to do that..ill think of things tomorrow and give my page a facelift. Goodbye until tomorrow.
December 31 2010
who cares? this is my funk talking i know. but for the first time i dont care that its ny eve ...i just care i failed my exam. i know their are worse things in life. but i do well with big things..the small things break me to my core. this has to be the 1st year in 5 or 6 years that i didnt spend my day in prayer and reflection. like i said im mad at God and js response is isnt that why you should be spending your time with him. the days is not up. thanks guru but no thanks.
ughhhhhh...failing my exam has put a damper on everything and i dont want to let go. thats why i spent most of this day asleep. yes i didnt wake up till 6:30pm and its 10:11 now. this year has just been a year of change and i want next year to be a year of transformation. but right now i just want to erase yesterday ..erase this sickness thats left and this horrible hacking slight cough that leaves my chest bone hurting. erase erase erase
ughhhhhh...failing my exam has put a damper on everything and i dont want to let go. thats why i spent most of this day asleep. yes i didnt wake up till 6:30pm and its 10:11 now. this year has just been a year of change and i want next year to be a year of transformation. but right now i just want to erase yesterday ..erase this sickness thats left and this horrible hacking slight cough that leaves my chest bone hurting. erase erase erase
CEBS 2 Exam
Yesterday was my CEBS 2 exam (1 of the two exams needed before i complete the gba (group benefits associate) certification and i Failed. I am utterly devastated and have moved into stage 2 : depression and in the next week stage 3: next steps.
This is the course that ive taken for the second time most recently took in Fall 2009 and started studying of and on again as of sept 2010 so i could prepare for the dec exam. december got crazy with work stuff (open enrollment)...bringing work home...working late that my studying took a back seat. not to mention ive been sick. so within the past week or two ive been studying and really improved my practice test score. i first took the practice exam my score was 47% (ouch)....as of last saturday it was 80% (yay) and then sickness on my bday hit and two days went out the window of studying but eventhough i felt like crap. i did it. i felt confident. i prayed about it. i pulled a word out of the basket of how i should feel about the exam and it was encouraged. i read encouraging scriptures among studying. i took the exam....1st run..i finished within 45 min..the second time i look through each answer carefully and took up the whole 2 hours...completed the survey and the screen said i was unsuccessful. i could have balled but held it together until i got out of the building and broke down crying. oh before i left the building they give you the same darn piece of paper showing you failed. Thanks:(
i wanted to freaking scream but didnt. so crushed. so disappointed. i felt like a total total failure. this was the worst way to end a year on a certification that ive spent way too long acquiring. im pissed. i know i have no reason to be angry at God but im like why did you let me feel encouraged to be crushed. why did you even let this door be open. i just bought materials and if i take the exam again im going to have to buy all new materials because a new edition came out along with pay the full fee for an exam which is about 1000. im so done.
i told j before i left ..if you dont receive a text i failed so he already figured.
i came in the door..went straight to the bedroom took off everything cut out the light got under the covers and balled. then j came in and said do you want to be alone and i nodded but he couldnt see me so he held me and said hes sorry but hes proud of me and whatever else i wasnt receiving. i was devastated and he said im not going to let you wallow. why not. thats what i would like to do. havent gotten my weight under control. failure. i havent passed the exam failure. im a failure and he was telling me im not im just emotional. whatever. kym, kia remembered me telling them i was taking it and gave me words of encouragement that i couldnt hear, receive, or acknowledge. i was done. in my usual steph state i could but thats not who they are talking to they are talking to devastated steph. i know how well meaning my friends are and i appreciate but i hope none of my other best friends remember me talk about taking the exam because im just not in a place to hear sorry well wishes (well one of them reads this so i sure she will). this has just been a sucky start to my 31st year. j did distract me for a number of hours after i stopped crying and woe is me and failure. but day 2 ive moved into depression..greys anatomy was providing a distraction when i didnt go to sleep last night and i stayed up till 10 am watching it but not anymore. i dont even see a point of pursuing this certification. wth am i doing
Looking at my history with this...i originally wanted to get the full cebs certifications (8 classes) then decided to go for the 3 classes gba (one the of the exams i passed doesnt fulfill one of the three). j said the below track record proves nothing except i took some time off in between my exams and i think it does...im wasting my time. j says im not a quitter. maybe i should be. i dont even feel like writing anymore about this...
LOSERRRRRRRR
When did this so called road of certification begin?began in fall 06
CEBS Course 8 at catholic university—took the exam and passed late Jan 07
CEBS Course 1 march 07 failed
CEBS Course 2 May 2007(didn’t show up)
CEBS Course 3 June 2007 (didn’t show up)
CEBS Course 1 June 2007 (didn’t show up)
CEBS Course 1 June 2009 passed
CEBS Course 2 dec 2010 failed
Shall I even bother to pursue?
This is the course that ive taken for the second time most recently took in Fall 2009 and started studying of and on again as of sept 2010 so i could prepare for the dec exam. december got crazy with work stuff (open enrollment)...bringing work home...working late that my studying took a back seat. not to mention ive been sick. so within the past week or two ive been studying and really improved my practice test score. i first took the practice exam my score was 47% (ouch)....as of last saturday it was 80% (yay) and then sickness on my bday hit and two days went out the window of studying but eventhough i felt like crap. i did it. i felt confident. i prayed about it. i pulled a word out of the basket of how i should feel about the exam and it was encouraged. i read encouraging scriptures among studying. i took the exam....1st run..i finished within 45 min..the second time i look through each answer carefully and took up the whole 2 hours...completed the survey and the screen said i was unsuccessful. i could have balled but held it together until i got out of the building and broke down crying. oh before i left the building they give you the same darn piece of paper showing you failed. Thanks:(
i wanted to freaking scream but didnt. so crushed. so disappointed. i felt like a total total failure. this was the worst way to end a year on a certification that ive spent way too long acquiring. im pissed. i know i have no reason to be angry at God but im like why did you let me feel encouraged to be crushed. why did you even let this door be open. i just bought materials and if i take the exam again im going to have to buy all new materials because a new edition came out along with pay the full fee for an exam which is about 1000. im so done.
i told j before i left ..if you dont receive a text i failed so he already figured.
i came in the door..went straight to the bedroom took off everything cut out the light got under the covers and balled. then j came in and said do you want to be alone and i nodded but he couldnt see me so he held me and said hes sorry but hes proud of me and whatever else i wasnt receiving. i was devastated and he said im not going to let you wallow. why not. thats what i would like to do. havent gotten my weight under control. failure. i havent passed the exam failure. im a failure and he was telling me im not im just emotional. whatever. kym, kia remembered me telling them i was taking it and gave me words of encouragement that i couldnt hear, receive, or acknowledge. i was done. in my usual steph state i could but thats not who they are talking to they are talking to devastated steph. i know how well meaning my friends are and i appreciate but i hope none of my other best friends remember me talk about taking the exam because im just not in a place to hear sorry well wishes (well one of them reads this so i sure she will). this has just been a sucky start to my 31st year. j did distract me for a number of hours after i stopped crying and woe is me and failure. but day 2 ive moved into depression..greys anatomy was providing a distraction when i didnt go to sleep last night and i stayed up till 10 am watching it but not anymore. i dont even see a point of pursuing this certification. wth am i doing
Looking at my history with this...i originally wanted to get the full cebs certifications (8 classes) then decided to go for the 3 classes gba (one the of the exams i passed doesnt fulfill one of the three). j said the below track record proves nothing except i took some time off in between my exams and i think it does...im wasting my time. j says im not a quitter. maybe i should be. i dont even feel like writing anymore about this...
LOSERRRRRRRR
When did this so called road of certification begin?began in fall 06
CEBS Course 8 at catholic university—took the exam and passed late Jan 07
CEBS Course 1 march 07 failed
CEBS Course 2 May 2007(didn’t show up)
CEBS Course 3 June 2007 (didn’t show up)
CEBS Course 1 June 2007 (didn’t show up)
CEBS Course 1 June 2009 passed
CEBS Course 2 dec 2010 failed
Shall I even bother to pursue?
Happy 31st Birthday to me!
My birthday was six days ago which is unbelievable that soo many days went by so quickly. I intended to write that day but that didn’t happen since I got sick (AGAIN). My birthday was celebrated a week or so early by my hubby and sister (I'll just copy and paste what I sent carey when I told her and then talk about the actual day)
J surprised me with early Christmas/birthday tickets to In the Heights which ive wanted to see for years. It was so funny how it went down. j, robin, and I have been trying to see harry potter but my sickness have made us postpone and j promised a friend he would bring her along when we saw it but he didn’t think it would be till January and robin said forget that I cant wait so she told me to meet her someplace before the movies..she had to pick something up. i spazzed and thought she said somewhere else (like i was on 38 when it should have been 48) so im like ill just meet you at the 42nd theatre and in my head im thinking why am i meeting her early when i work close to the theater but i didn’t say anything. so since i spazzed im like ill just meet you at the theatre and she s like n still meet me we got time. This was Friday btw so she called to see where I was and I tried to tell her but had no voice so we finally meet up and we are walking through the theater district and im like why are walking here (in my head)...maybe she knows a shortcut and she pulls us tickets and im like hmm that looks different than the reg tickets and i look closer and i see "in the heights" and i jumped up and down and said if i could scream i would lol. they were awesome seats..like 4th from the front. I love love love the show and when I got home i opened up my door and i saw this wonderful surprise on the dining room table (see attached photo) candlelight and my fav crumbs cupcake with a candle (you know the one that makes my world abetter place that i found last winter..its seasonal) with sushi one of my fav and wine. I again jumped up and down and j was like the tickets were from me and the cupcakes are from robin. awww im so touched. so we had a great fam dinner. then Saturday I woke up and j and I were chilling talking and I told him how much I love love my gifts and he said I hope you're not disappointed that you celebrated your bday early ..i know how you dont like that. are you kidding...with these suprises..who cares.lol. he said i have one more gift ..I was like r u serious so I closed my eyes and it was white chocloate bars from Italy (he found a 3rd party distributor that sells the white chocloate bars I fell in love with on our honeymoon in this small town of Perugia). Scream. so that brought me to tears. so all and all its good.
For my actual birthday i made a spa appointment for Elizabeth arden . it had been sooo long since my last spa appointment (like bridal shower long) that i knew for my 31st year i just want to relax. Originally my appointment was in MD but when our Christmas plans changed for us to stay in NY instead of going to MD I had to make a switcharoo. since I had been to Elizabeth in MD I didn’t think I needed to check reviews. however i checked them afterwards and reviews were awful re: service and decor and lack of upkeep. I was horrified..definately not what I had in mind. Hopefully the reviews are wrong and I later found out they were. Im not sure what some of those other reviewers are used to but it was a wonderful spa (let me not jump ahead so rewind). So I woke up a bit too early for me at 8:30 to arrive at my spa appointment at 10:45 (I have an hr commute to get into the city). I opened up my two birthday cards and presents (one from my parents and the other from Carey) and got my day started. My mom was the first birthday phone call received (only fitting) followed by two happy birthday texts. I had breakfast but cant remember what..it wasn’t memorable. I left the house with my snow boots (which I was not happy that it was supposed to snow on my day eventhough I had no plans after the spa I HATE SNOW so I was not looking forward to being out in it).
I had an “Its my birthday bounce” that no one else in the streets is aware of. Lol.
Got on and off the subway an hour later in Manhattan to be greeted with huge snowflakes. Ugh was my expression. As I hurried past street full of tourists taking pics of the snow and snow in ny …..I finally found Elizabeth arden. It was a big red door.
I was greeted warmly and ushered to the 9th floor (I was a bit taken back that there was so many floors). Again warmly greeted upon exiting the elevators and once I gave my name a man said right this way Mrs. Walters and opened the door to the spa area (I loved that!)
I got changed in my robe and slippers and got some water and a couple of veggie chips which everyone raved about in the reviews that I could not believe people made a point to mention in their reviews and sat down on the l shaped blue couch with different shape toss pillows in blue and white. Breathing in relaxation. letting go of any stress..
Then I pop a veggie chip in my mouth… can I just say the veggie chips were DELISH! A whole new world sang to me and I only say that with my dessertsJ I had many of those before my day was over.
Anthony my masseuse arrived. Let me just say I personally prefer hot stone but it was ridiculously higher in NY so I kept with my massage to the Swedish that was included in my package. Anthony got to work as we chatted and he said, “you have made my day”. I was so surprised by that comment. Im like really how? You have such a beautiful personality and you smile so much, all of which is rare for NY City. I said thank you. He said I bet you are a Christian too. I said I am. He said me too and he was telling me about the place he worships since I said I was looking for a new church home and we laughed and talked about our pastoral styles. Unexpected places to be discussing God and worship but that’s what makes it amazing. He said im sorry about being so chatty its just so wonderful to meet you.. I said that’s fine im enjoying the convo but he will have to be quiet at some point so I can relax.lol. So we had a couple more minutes of chatting then he just worked in silent and I would like to say it was a wonderful massage and what I needed but not really it was okay. I told him I tend to like soft pressure which he did but I think im just used to the hot stone so I found this boring plus I could hear the street traffic and horns eventhough I tried to block it out. Anthony however did include more warm compresses than normal since I mention how much I liked warmness on my body.
The massage lasted for 50 minutes and then I was ushered to the fourth floor for my facial with someone with a s.
Everytime I get a facial. I love the softness of my skin afterwards but im wondering why does it have to be so painful. So there were lots of steams, creams, massages before s started with the extractions. She gave my hand this massage and put them in these warm mittens (heaven especially on such a cold day). What I read in the reviews is that everyone said the esthetician gives you a hard sell about products. Not s. she said would you like basic or would you like your facial enhanced. I said enhancement sounds like more money…basic please. That was the end of that and she moved into the extractions…ouch. S said u survived I didn’t kill you. You have really good skin I would recommend a mask once a week. Thanks s. kill…no…. beat me up …yes. We shared a laugh so more creams massages went on and before I knew I fell asleep. It was so relaxing. Her touch was the magic touch and I heard no street noise. Most relaxing facial EVER... S woke me up and told me she was done. After wiped the saliva from my lips from such a peaceful sleep…I said thank you but I have an eye contour next (since im getting older I figured never too early to start thinking about fine lines lightening those under eye circles). Well apparently she did that during the massage. I was like awesome.
So I went back to the relaxation room sat in the chaise with a cover..this wonderful tea, of course some veggie chips and totally vegged out. It was such a good day. So I got dressed and was about to check out when someone said mrs. Walters are you still here. I said yes they said you have a manicure appt downstairs. I totally forgot about that. So I finished dressing went downstairs and had a manicure..nothing in particular to tell about the manicure except it was so very cold on that level and I got color on my nails which I cant remember the last time I had color and felt like whose hand is this. Compared to my other two people the manicurist was dry. I was supposed to get complimentary makeup but honestly looking at the snow coming down I wanted to get home asap. Since mom and dad gave j and me some money for Christmas and my bday which was awesome because can I say I was b-r-o-k-e. so I went out of my way to our bank and do you know they wouldn’t cash it because the check had both of our names and we both had to be present really. Really. So upset. Went to magnolia’s to get my beloved banana pudding. YUM! And started to make the trek home since the snow had started to stick so it was quite messy outside and if Manhattan was like this..brooklyn was worse and it was. It took me 3 hours before could get the chill off me after arriving home. My throat was scratchy and I had a terrible earache. I woke up the next day and was filled with all type of symptoms and lets just say today on Friday… Im finally rid of most symptoms and can say im 60% better. I stayed home from work all this week which isn’t the best because I had end of the year stuff but my health comes first plus it was a mess outside with 17 inches of snow (Monday the office was closed). Can I just say Im so glad to have one of my best friends as a nurse? I was telling kym my symptoms and she was like you have a respiratory infection (which btw was aggravating my asthma) and an ear infection. I thought I might have to go to the ER on Tuesday with all the symptoms: aggravated breathing, chills, and possible fever. Kym, j, my nurse line told me I should contact my doc tell her what’s going on so I did I was taking all the right stuff thanks to kym and when I had an infection before my doc told me what to take. My doc advised me to see a pulmonologist because this is my 3rd sickness in a month so I have an appointment on the 4th. Sickness definitely put a damper on my 1st week of my 31st year because what a way to welcome in y 31st year..in the bed.
J surprised me with early Christmas/birthday tickets to In the Heights which ive wanted to see for years. It was so funny how it went down. j, robin, and I have been trying to see harry potter but my sickness have made us postpone and j promised a friend he would bring her along when we saw it but he didn’t think it would be till January and robin said forget that I cant wait so she told me to meet her someplace before the movies..she had to pick something up. i spazzed and thought she said somewhere else (like i was on 38 when it should have been 48) so im like ill just meet you at the 42nd theatre and in my head im thinking why am i meeting her early when i work close to the theater but i didn’t say anything. so since i spazzed im like ill just meet you at the theatre and she s like n still meet me we got time. This was Friday btw so she called to see where I was and I tried to tell her but had no voice so we finally meet up and we are walking through the theater district and im like why are walking here (in my head)...maybe she knows a shortcut and she pulls us tickets and im like hmm that looks different than the reg tickets and i look closer and i see "in the heights" and i jumped up and down and said if i could scream i would lol. they were awesome seats..like 4th from the front. I love love love the show and when I got home i opened up my door and i saw this wonderful surprise on the dining room table (see attached photo) candlelight and my fav crumbs cupcake with a candle (you know the one that makes my world abetter place that i found last winter..its seasonal) with sushi one of my fav and wine. I again jumped up and down and j was like the tickets were from me and the cupcakes are from robin. awww im so touched. so we had a great fam dinner. then Saturday I woke up and j and I were chilling talking and I told him how much I love love my gifts and he said I hope you're not disappointed that you celebrated your bday early ..i know how you dont like that. are you kidding...with these suprises..who cares.lol. he said i have one more gift ..I was like r u serious so I closed my eyes and it was white chocloate bars from Italy (he found a 3rd party distributor that sells the white chocloate bars I fell in love with on our honeymoon in this small town of Perugia). Scream. so that brought me to tears. so all and all its good.
For my actual birthday i made a spa appointment for Elizabeth arden . it had been sooo long since my last spa appointment (like bridal shower long) that i knew for my 31st year i just want to relax. Originally my appointment was in MD but when our Christmas plans changed for us to stay in NY instead of going to MD I had to make a switcharoo. since I had been to Elizabeth in MD I didn’t think I needed to check reviews. however i checked them afterwards and reviews were awful re: service and decor and lack of upkeep. I was horrified..definately not what I had in mind. Hopefully the reviews are wrong and I later found out they were. Im not sure what some of those other reviewers are used to but it was a wonderful spa (let me not jump ahead so rewind). So I woke up a bit too early for me at 8:30 to arrive at my spa appointment at 10:45 (I have an hr commute to get into the city). I opened up my two birthday cards and presents (one from my parents and the other from Carey) and got my day started. My mom was the first birthday phone call received (only fitting) followed by two happy birthday texts. I had breakfast but cant remember what..it wasn’t memorable. I left the house with my snow boots (which I was not happy that it was supposed to snow on my day eventhough I had no plans after the spa I HATE SNOW so I was not looking forward to being out in it).
I had an “Its my birthday bounce” that no one else in the streets is aware of. Lol.
Got on and off the subway an hour later in Manhattan to be greeted with huge snowflakes. Ugh was my expression. As I hurried past street full of tourists taking pics of the snow and snow in ny …..I finally found Elizabeth arden. It was a big red door.
I was greeted warmly and ushered to the 9th floor (I was a bit taken back that there was so many floors). Again warmly greeted upon exiting the elevators and once I gave my name a man said right this way Mrs. Walters and opened the door to the spa area (I loved that!)
I got changed in my robe and slippers and got some water and a couple of veggie chips which everyone raved about in the reviews that I could not believe people made a point to mention in their reviews and sat down on the l shaped blue couch with different shape toss pillows in blue and white. Breathing in relaxation. letting go of any stress..
Then I pop a veggie chip in my mouth… can I just say the veggie chips were DELISH! A whole new world sang to me and I only say that with my dessertsJ I had many of those before my day was over.
Anthony my masseuse arrived. Let me just say I personally prefer hot stone but it was ridiculously higher in NY so I kept with my massage to the Swedish that was included in my package. Anthony got to work as we chatted and he said, “you have made my day”. I was so surprised by that comment. Im like really how? You have such a beautiful personality and you smile so much, all of which is rare for NY City. I said thank you. He said I bet you are a Christian too. I said I am. He said me too and he was telling me about the place he worships since I said I was looking for a new church home and we laughed and talked about our pastoral styles. Unexpected places to be discussing God and worship but that’s what makes it amazing. He said im sorry about being so chatty its just so wonderful to meet you.. I said that’s fine im enjoying the convo but he will have to be quiet at some point so I can relax.lol. So we had a couple more minutes of chatting then he just worked in silent and I would like to say it was a wonderful massage and what I needed but not really it was okay. I told him I tend to like soft pressure which he did but I think im just used to the hot stone so I found this boring plus I could hear the street traffic and horns eventhough I tried to block it out. Anthony however did include more warm compresses than normal since I mention how much I liked warmness on my body.
The massage lasted for 50 minutes and then I was ushered to the fourth floor for my facial with someone with a s.
Everytime I get a facial. I love the softness of my skin afterwards but im wondering why does it have to be so painful. So there were lots of steams, creams, massages before s started with the extractions. She gave my hand this massage and put them in these warm mittens (heaven especially on such a cold day). What I read in the reviews is that everyone said the esthetician gives you a hard sell about products. Not s. she said would you like basic or would you like your facial enhanced. I said enhancement sounds like more money…basic please. That was the end of that and she moved into the extractions…ouch. S said u survived I didn’t kill you. You have really good skin I would recommend a mask once a week. Thanks s. kill…no…. beat me up …yes. We shared a laugh so more creams massages went on and before I knew I fell asleep. It was so relaxing. Her touch was the magic touch and I heard no street noise. Most relaxing facial EVER... S woke me up and told me she was done. After wiped the saliva from my lips from such a peaceful sleep…I said thank you but I have an eye contour next (since im getting older I figured never too early to start thinking about fine lines lightening those under eye circles). Well apparently she did that during the massage. I was like awesome.
So I went back to the relaxation room sat in the chaise with a cover..this wonderful tea, of course some veggie chips and totally vegged out. It was such a good day. So I got dressed and was about to check out when someone said mrs. Walters are you still here. I said yes they said you have a manicure appt downstairs. I totally forgot about that. So I finished dressing went downstairs and had a manicure..nothing in particular to tell about the manicure except it was so very cold on that level and I got color on my nails which I cant remember the last time I had color and felt like whose hand is this. Compared to my other two people the manicurist was dry. I was supposed to get complimentary makeup but honestly looking at the snow coming down I wanted to get home asap. Since mom and dad gave j and me some money for Christmas and my bday which was awesome because can I say I was b-r-o-k-e. so I went out of my way to our bank and do you know they wouldn’t cash it because the check had both of our names and we both had to be present really. Really. So upset. Went to magnolia’s to get my beloved banana pudding. YUM! And started to make the trek home since the snow had started to stick so it was quite messy outside and if Manhattan was like this..brooklyn was worse and it was. It took me 3 hours before could get the chill off me after arriving home. My throat was scratchy and I had a terrible earache. I woke up the next day and was filled with all type of symptoms and lets just say today on Friday… Im finally rid of most symptoms and can say im 60% better. I stayed home from work all this week which isn’t the best because I had end of the year stuff but my health comes first plus it was a mess outside with 17 inches of snow (Monday the office was closed). Can I just say Im so glad to have one of my best friends as a nurse? I was telling kym my symptoms and she was like you have a respiratory infection (which btw was aggravating my asthma) and an ear infection. I thought I might have to go to the ER on Tuesday with all the symptoms: aggravated breathing, chills, and possible fever. Kym, j, my nurse line told me I should contact my doc tell her what’s going on so I did I was taking all the right stuff thanks to kym and when I had an infection before my doc told me what to take. My doc advised me to see a pulmonologist because this is my 3rd sickness in a month so I have an appointment on the 4th. Sickness definitely put a damper on my 1st week of my 31st year because what a way to welcome in y 31st year..in the bed.
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