CEBS 2 Exam

Yesterday was my CEBS 2 exam (1 of the two exams needed before i complete the gba (group benefits associate) certification and i Failed. I am utterly devastated and have moved into stage 2 : depression and in the next week stage 3: next steps.

This is the course that ive taken for the second time most recently took in Fall 2009 and started studying of and on again as of sept 2010 so i could prepare for the dec exam. december got crazy with work stuff (open enrollment)...bringing work home...working late that my studying took a back seat. not to mention ive been sick. so within the past week or two ive been studying and really improved my practice test score. i first took the practice exam my score was 47% (ouch)....as of last saturday it was 80% (yay) and then sickness on my bday hit and two days went out the window of studying but eventhough i felt like crap. i did it. i felt confident. i prayed about it. i pulled a word out of the basket of how i should feel about the exam and it was encouraged. i read encouraging scriptures among studying. i took the exam....1st run..i finished within 45 min..the second time i look through each answer carefully and took up the whole 2 hours...completed the survey and the screen said i was unsuccessful. i could have balled but held it together until i got out of the building and broke down crying. oh before i left the building they give you the same darn piece of paper showing you failed. Thanks:(

i wanted to freaking scream but didnt. so crushed. so disappointed. i felt like a total total failure. this was the worst way to end a year on a certification that ive spent way too long acquiring. im pissed. i know i have no reason to be angry at God but im like why did you let me feel encouraged to be crushed. why did you even let this door be open. i just bought materials and if i take the exam again im going to have to buy all new materials because a new edition came out along with pay the full fee for an exam which is about 1000. im so done.

i told j before i left ..if you dont receive a text i failed so he already figured.

i came in the door..went straight to the bedroom took off everything cut out the light got under the covers and balled. then j came in and said do you want to be alone and i nodded but he couldnt see me so he held me and said hes sorry but hes proud of me and whatever else i wasnt receiving. i was devastated and he said im not going to let you wallow. why not. thats what i would like to do. havent gotten my weight under control. failure. i havent passed the exam failure. im a failure and he was telling me im not im just emotional. whatever. kym, kia remembered me telling them i was taking it and gave me words of encouragement that i couldnt hear, receive, or acknowledge. i was done. in my usual steph state i could but thats not who they are talking to they are talking to devastated steph. i know how well meaning my friends are and i appreciate but i hope none of my other best friends remember me talk about taking the exam because im just not in a place to hear sorry well wishes (well one of them reads this so i sure she will). this has just been a sucky start to my 31st year. j did distract me for a number of hours after i stopped crying and woe is me and failure. but day 2 ive moved into depression..greys anatomy was providing a distraction when i didnt go to sleep last night and i stayed up till 10 am watching it but not anymore. i dont even see a point of pursuing this certification. wth am i doing

Looking at my history with this...i originally wanted to get the full cebs certifications (8 classes) then decided to go for the 3 classes gba (one the of the exams i passed doesnt fulfill one of the three). j said the below track record proves nothing except i took some time off in between my exams and i think it does...im wasting my time. j says im not a quitter. maybe i should be. i dont even feel like writing anymore about this...


LOSERRRRRRRR

When did this so called road of certification begin?began in fall 06

CEBS Course 8 at catholic university—took the exam and passed late Jan 07
CEBS Course 1 march 07 failed
CEBS Course 2 May 2007(didn’t show up)
CEBS Course 3 June 2007 (didn’t show up)
CEBS Course 1 June 2007 (didn’t show up)
CEBS Course 1 June 2009 passed
CEBS Course 2 dec 2010 failed

Shall I even bother to pursue?