Revisting

Last night for some reason I went to my old church website from MD (the last church I was a member before i went on the search for another church home because i no longer felt fed there). I think i was longing for how i felt about church once i got involved ..it felt like i belonged.

I was still pretty shy and reserved so i still didnt have any group of friends there but i cant remembering caring much about that (being in the company of some acquaintances was fine with me). i wanted to get involved and the ministry that spoke to me most was ushering. I remember how much love i felt when i first entered the sanctuary doors for the first time and i wanted to give that away. I remembered how good it was to use some of my natural talents (that im so glad to see you warm embrace and smile, ushering someone to their seat, maintaining order). i remember what it was like to be in anticipation of the messages God had given my woman and man of God to speak because God was speaking truth in every message and when a message didnt apply to me it was so good anyway. i remembering actually arriving early for church in anticipation of getting in worship and being with other believers.

my church in NY i loved (yes past tense) for different reasons ..the true worship (which was awesome), laid back casual food for thought, bare essentials of a sanctaury. after my pastor took a sabbatical something changed in the church (everything changed...the worship was off (literally) the messages from guest speakers were decent and slowly i stopped going.) i think i wrote in my blog before how different the church felt when the pastor returned. i no longer wanted this church to be home so slowly surely i stopped going and was determined to find another church despite my husband talking about keeping my commitment to this church since i joined. im a person who is faithful to the end but i dont believe in staying somewhere where you are no longer fed because i've committed. so once again i am thinking about looking for another church home.

It's funny looking at my old church website and how much its a distant memory. It doesnt feel like I was once a member mainly because it doesnt seem to fit who i am today. Even the pastors look so different (literally)..the male pastor got hair plugs and he's slimmer. lol. But as i was looking at various pics and how the church has really evolved i was reminded of a fast that we used to do every January which was always a wonderful time with each other and individual time with God. The first and last time i fasted was with them. i think im at place where i really need to figure some things out..one on one time with God..i need to figure out next steps with the church, certification, opening myself up to more, the departure of robin at the end of the month which is going to effect me deeper that i realize. i just know i need to be in preparation, expectation, prayer all around. i need one on one time with God so i'm going to participate in the fast. The month long fast starts out with no meats, no sweets, no soda, no coffee, no caffeine or decaf and apparently added a line sometime today that i didnt see until 3 no eating between 6 and 6. i think this will be good for me to deny my body (lawd knows i dont do that now) and focus on him. You know all of my churches have been instrumental in not only my spiritual growth but what was ahead of me for lack of a better word.....1. new life (home truly) 2. new life 3. victory 4. citylight (rediscover life).